I love men but...

What is it?

From discordia...

Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs. Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.

Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.

Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.

Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.

Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.
Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.
Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.
Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.

Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.
Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.
Fnord is where the buses hide at night.
Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.

Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.
Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.
Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.
Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.

Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees.
Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.

Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in the navel of the mites that eat the lint in Fnord's navel.

Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.

Fnord is the echo of silence.
Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.
Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.

Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.
Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.

Fnord is the donut hole.
Fnord is the whole donut.

Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.
Fnord is the color only blind people can see.

Fnord is the serial number on a box of
cereal.

Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.
Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.
Fnord is the yin without yang.
Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.

Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.
Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.

Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.
Fnord never sleeps.
Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.

Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.
Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.

Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.
Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.
Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.

Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.

Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.

Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.
Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.
Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.

Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.
Fnord is Jesus' speech advisor.
Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.
Fnord invented the green hubcap.
Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.

Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.
Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.

I cannot escape them
No matter how I try
They wait for me everywhere
I cannot pass them by.

Driving down the street
I see "Jesus Is Lord"
And then immediately after
I hear the word "FNORD!"

Innocuous sayings and parables
And on the evening news
I hear the word "FNORD!"
And suddenly I'm confused

I sit alone in my room
And I'm feeling rather bored
I turn on the tube and guess what
I hear the word "FNORD!"

"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you"
That's what I've heard the wisemen say
But I can't get away from those beasties
There's just no fnording way.

Insults

one of my favourites..

When Insults Had Class:

"He has all the virtues I dislike
and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but
I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word
that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner
(about Ernest Hemingway)


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx


"I didn't attend the funeral,
but I sent a nice letter saying
I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain


"He has no enemies,
but is intensely
disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to
the first night of my new play;
bring a friend...
If you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to
Winston Churchill...
followed by Churchill's response:


"Cannot possibly attend first night,
will attend second, if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill


"I feel so miserable without you;
it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man
and worships his creator."
-- John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness.
Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself;
he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver
looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating


"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr


"Why do you sit there
looking like an envelope
without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away
and kept the stork.
-- Mae West


"Some cause happiness
wherever they go;
others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde


Lady Astor once remarked to
Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party,
"Winston, if you were my husband,
I would poison your coffee!"

Winston replied,
"Madam, if I were your husband,
I would drink it!"

Welcome Waste

Ye the old waste of time. Ticking along whether you do something or not. Your choice.
Wasted by writing something useless here and by you the reader. Still here? I suppose entertainment value and curiosity is always the trap for the web surfer, blog reader etc. The excitement of knowing someone somewhere may actually read what you are writing, the sharing of thought without retort. What's going on in your life that you would want to waste time here reading this bubble of drab writing that will lead you nowhere or maybe somewhere one day....

This blog will feature forwards that you have already seen, that I deem worthy of publishing here , that may have some meaning but probably not. Fnords that may or may not be frustrating to understand and others that are easy to spot.

Vote now, early and often, it's your right, not mine.